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Below are the 4 most recent journal entries recorded in Michelle Zink's LiveJournal:

Monday, December 13th, 2010
8:03 am
Happy Birthdayyyy!
Wishing you a year full of your favorite things, Tammy. You're a gifted writer, a stellar human being, and one class act. Sending you lots of love on your birthday.
<3

MZ
Monday, March 30th, 2009
11:32 am
Music is Life.

So here's the thing; I love music. I don't mean I just love music.

I mean I LOVE music. L-O-V-E. It.

For me, music is as essential as books. And air.

I can go on and on for hours about my favorite bands and musicians and why I love them, but I'm just as happy to talk with someone who can turn me onto new music. With that in mind, I thought I'd share some of my favorite music every Monday. And to keep it interesting, I'm going to include lyrics and a video.

Those of you who know me probably know what's coming, right? And... here... we... go.

Brand New is my all-time favorite band. It was really hard for me to dethrone U2, my previous all-time favorite band, but Brand New leaves me no choice. They're a true writer's band. If you listen to their lyrics, you'll see what I mean. There is real craft in the songwriting, and the ability to make different people hear different things in strings of words that are so profound and beautiful, I sometimes dream about them (*cough* freak *cough*). Going to one of their concerts is such an experience. The crowd is diverse, and Brand New has such a cult following that the audience sings along to pretty much every song. My teenagers joke that Brand New is my drug of choice. I don't disagree.

So without further ado, take a listen (and look at the lyrics below while you're at it). Oh, and this is live, so it's not gonna sound like it does on iTunes. It's a lot more organic, especially with Brand New who plays kinda spontaneously at their concerts. Which is why live music rocks.



Degausser by Brand New

Goodbye to sleep,
I think this staying up is exactly what I need
Well take apart your head
Take apart the counting, and the flock it has bred

Goodbye to love,
Well it's a ride that'll push you up
Right against the wall
(Right against the wall)
Chew it up and swallow it

You're brought back but you're running
I'll find sleep in the end tonight
I can't shake this little feeling
I'll never get anything right

Goodbye you liar,
Well you sipped from the cup but you don't own up to anything
Then you think you will inspire
Take apart your head
(and I wish I could inspire)
Take apart your demons, then you add it to the list.

(goodbye my love)
You're brought back but you're running
(goodbye my love)
I'll find sleep in the end tonight
(goodbye my love)
I can't shake this little feeling
(goodbye my love)
I'll never say anything right

I'm on my own, never say anything right
I'm on my own, never say anything right
I'm on my own, never say anything right
I'm on my own, never say anything right

Well take me, take me back to your bed
I love you so much that it hurts my head
Say I don't mind you under my skin
I'll let the bad parts in, the bad parts in
When we were made we were set apart
Life is a test and I get bad marks
Now some saint got the job of writing down my sins
The storm is coming, the storm is coming in

You're brought back but you're running
I'll find sleep in the end tonight
I can't shake this little feeling
I'll never get anything right

I'm on my own, never say anything right
I'm on my own, never say anything right

Take me, take me back to your bed
I love you so much that it hurts my head
I don't mind you under my skin
I'll let the bad parts in, the bad parts in
Well you're my favorite bird and when you sing
I really do wish you'd wear my ring
No matter what they say, I am still the king
And now the storm is coming, the storm is coming in

Happy reading - and listening!

Thursday, March 26th, 2009
8:48 am
I'm Baaaaaack!
Hello, Blogworld! I'm back!

Well, I never officially left, of course. I've just been concentrating on raising my four children, writing, and connecting with readers through Myspace, Facebook, and yes, even Goodreads.

But... but! I've decided to start cross-posting some of my blogs. It'll be a bit of an experiment because, to be very honest, I haven't been entirely certain that there's room in the Blogosphere for yet another author/writing/reading blog. And that was always my concern. I love connecting with readers, writers, booksellers, educators and teens. It just feels redundant sometimes, all these posts about books and the writing process. There are so many people doing it so much better than me, and I want to be sure I have something valuable to add.

Plus, my attention span is so small as to be invisible to the naked eye.

But I digress.

I've developed a schedule of sorts that I hope will keep me blogging more consistently than I have in the past. I'll let you guys be the judge of whether or not it's working. Heh. I can tell you that my teenage son and daughter will be blogging here on Tuesdays for Teen Tuesday. They'll blog about anything and everything they feel is applicable to the life of today's teenager - music, books, Youtube, movies, art, friends, school, love, life. And there's a reason I'm pulling my teens a little further into the promotional fold. Keep reading!

In an effort to get reacquainted, here's the latest news;
 

  • Prophecy of the Sisters has a release date of August 1. That means it will start shipping in July and you should start seeing it on the shelves 2-4 weeks before the official release. I will be stalking the shelves sometimes in May. Jk.
  • To date, rights have been sold in seven countries besides the US and Canada - the UK, Germany, France, Italy, Brasil, Spain, and Russia. I currently can't even fathom this.
  • Books two and three in the series are slated for release August 1st 2010 and 2011 respectively. Book Two is titled The Guardian and the Gate. The title for book three is still under consideration.
  • The Prophecy audiobook is being recorded with actress, Eliza Dushku, narrating. I am ridiculously excited about this because I <3> her voice.
  • I completed an awesome six-city pre-pub tour in February and give props to my publicist, Rachel, who chose six impeccable restaurants and put together an impressive guest list in each and every city.
  • Little Brown Books for Young Readers launched the Prophecy teaser site in February. This teaser site will morph into something more comprehensive sometime in July.
  • My cover was recently approved for public consumption. Again, the brilliance at Little Brown Books for Young Readers wows. C'mon! How bad ass is that cover?

  • I will be signing at BEA on May 31st, so if you happen to be there, stop by and say hello!
  • I just received a box with 20 ARCs. This was an unexpected surprise, and I will be developing some contests and give-aways to dispense with them in the very near future.
  • Most of you probably don't know this, but my son is a gifted musician and composer with a soft spot for movie scores. He's been scoring Prophecy as if it's a film, and the results are just... unbelievable. Now I know I'm his mom. But seriously. This material is awe-inspiring coming from a sixteen-year-old. We're working with the marketing team at Little Brown to see about incorporating his score into the website and, possibly, even some of my tour dates in September. In addition, my fifteen-year-old daughter is a talented artist and is working to develop Prophecy-related fanart. I'm not gonna lie. It's unspeakably cool to have my family involved in something that means so much to me. I look forward to sharing their thoughts, inspiration, and insight with you on Tuesdays!
I think that about catches us up! I'm looking forward to getting reaquainted with you all. Please stop by and keep me on the ball, will ya?

Happy reading and writing!
Monday, March 2nd, 2009
4:17 pm
Prophecy of the Sisters Two-Chapter Sample!!!

Now that we've handed out the chapter sampler's at Comic-Con, I've been given permission to post the first two chapters from PROPHECY OF THE SISTERS. Enjoy!


Chapter One

Perhaps because it seems so appropriate, I don’t notice the rain. It falls in sheets, a blanket of silvery thread rushing to the hard almost-winter ground. Still, I stand without moving at the side of the coffin.

I am on Alice’s right. I am always on Alice’s right, and I often wonder if it was that way even in our mother’s womb, before we were pushed screaming into the world one right after the other. My brother Henry sits near Edmund, our driver, and Aunt Virginia, for sit is all Henry can do without the use of his legs. It was only with some effort that Henry and his chair were carried to the graveyard on the hill so that he could see our father laid to rest.

            Aunt Virginia leans in to speak to us over the drumming rain. “Children, we must be going.”

The reverend has long since left. I cannot say how long we have been standing at the mound of dirt where my father’s body lay, for I have been under the shelter of James’s umbrella, a quiet world of protection providing the smallest of buffers between me and the truth.

            Alice motions us to leave. “Come, Lia, Henry. We’ll return when the sun is shining and lay fresh flowers on Father’s grave.” I was born first, though only by minutes, but it has always been clear that Alice is in charge.

Aunt Virginia nods to Edmund. He gathers Henry into his arms, turning to begin the walk back to the house. Henry’s gaze meets mine over Edmund’s shoulder. Henry is only ten, though far wiser than most boys of his age, and I see the loss of Father in the dark circles under my brother’s eyes. A stab of pain finds its way through my numbness, settling somewhere over my heart. Alice may be in charge, but I am the one who has always felt responsible for Henry.

My feet will not move, will not take me away from my father, cold and dead in the ground. Alice looks back. Her eyes find mine through the rain.

“I’ll be along in a moment.” I have to shout to be heard, and she nods slowly, turning and continuing along the path toward Birchwood Manor.

James takes my gloved hand in his, and I feel a wave of relief as his strong fingers close over mine. He moves closer to be heard over the rain.

“I’ll stay here with you as long as you want, Lia.”

I can only nod, watching the rain leak tears down Father’s gravestone as I read the words etched into the granite.

 

Thomas Edward Milthorpe

Beloved Father

June 23, 1846 – November 1, 1890

 

There are no flowers. Despite my father’s wealth, it is difficult to find flowers so near to winter in our town in Northern New York, and none of us have had the energy or will to send for them in time for the modest service. I am ashamed, suddenly, at this lack of forethought, and I glance around the family cemetery, looking for something, anything, that I might leave.

But there is nothing. Only a few small stones lying in the rain that pools on the dirt and grass. I bend down, reaching for a few of the dirt-covered stones, holding my palm open to the rain until the rocks are washed clean.

I am not surprised that James knows what I mean to do, though I don’t say it aloud. We have shared a lifetime of friendship and, recently, something much, much more. He moves forward with the umbrella, offering me shelter as I step towards the grave and open my hand, dropping the rocks along the base of Father’s headstone.

My sleeve pulls with the motion, revealing a sliver of the strange mark, the peculiar, jagged circle, that bloomed on my wrist in the hours after Father’s death. I steal a glance at James to see if he has noticed. He hasn’t, and I pull my arm further inside my sleeve, lining the rocks up in a careful row. I push the mark from my mind. There is no room there for both grief and worry. And grief will not wait.

I stand back, looking at the stones. They are not as pretty or bright as the flowers I will bring in the spring, but they are all I have to give. I reach for James’ arm and turn to leave, relying on him to guide me home.

* * *

It is not the warmth of the parlor’s fire that keeps me downstairs long after the rest of the household retires. My room has a firebox, as do most of the rooms at Birchwood Manor. No, I sit in the darkened parlor, lit only by the glow of the dying fire, because I do not have the courage to make my way upstairs. 

Though Father has been dead for three days, I have kept myself well occupied. It has been necessary to console Henry, and though Aunt Virginia would have made the arrangements for Father’s burial, it seemed only right that I should help take matters in hand. This is what I have been telling myself. But now, in the empty parlor with only the ticking mantle clock for company, I realize that I have only been avoiding this moment when I shall have to make my way up the stairs and past Father’s empty chambers. This moment when I shall have to admit he is really gone.

I rise quickly, before I lose my nerve, focusing on putting one slippered foot in front of the other as I make my way up the winding staircase and down the hall of the East Wing. As I pass Alice’s room, and then Henry’s, my eyes are drawn to the door at the end of the hall. The room that was once my mother’s private chamber.

The Dark Room.

As little girls, Alice and I spoke of the room in whispers, though I cannot say how we came to call it the Dark Room. Perhaps it is because in the tall-ceilinged rooms where fires blaze non-stop nine months out of the year, it is only the uninhabited rooms that are completely dark. Yet, even when my mother was alive the room seemed dark, for it was in this room that she retreated in the months before her death. It was in this room that she seemed to drift further and further away from us.

I continue to my room where I undress and pull on a nightgown. I am sitting on the bed, brushing my hair to a shine, when a knock stops me mid-stroke.

“Yes?”

            Alice’s voice finds me from the other side of the door. “It’s me. May I come in?”

            “Of course.”

            The door creaks open, and with it a burst of cooler air from the unheated hallway. Alice closes it quickly, crossing to the bed and sitting next to me as she did when we were children. Our nightdresses, like us, are nearly identical. Nearly but not quite. Alice’s are always made with fine silk at her request while I have always preferred comfort over fashion and wear flannel in every season but summer.

            She reaches out a hand for the brush. “Let me.” 

I hand her the brush, trying not to show my surprise as I turn away to give her access to the back of my head. We are not the kind of sisters who engage in nightly hair brushing or confided secrets.

She moves the brush in long strokes starting at the crown of my head and traveling all the way down to the ends. Watching our reflection in the looking glass atop the bureau, it is hard to believe anyone can tell us apart. From this distance and in the glow of the firelight, we look exactly the same. Our hair shimmers the same chestnut in the dim light. Our cheekbones angle at the same slant. I know, though, that it is the subtle differences that are unmistakable to those who know us at all. It is the slight fullness in my face that stands in contrast to the sharper contours of my sister’s and the somber introspection in my eyes that opposes the sly gleam in her own. It is Alice who shimmers like a jewel under the light, while I brood, think, and wonder.

The fire crackles in the firebox, and I close my eyes, allowing my shoulders to loosen as I fall into the soothing rhythm of the brush in my hair, Alice’s hand smoothing the top of my head as she goes.

            “Do you remember her?”

My eyelids flutter open. It is an uncommon question, and for a moment, I’m unsure how to answer. We were only girls of six when our mother died in an inexplicable fall from the cliff near the lake. Henry had been born just a few months before. The doctors had already made it clear that my father’s long-desired son would never have the use of his legs. Aunt Virginia always said that Mother was never the same after Henry’s birth, and the questions surrounding her death still linger. We don’t speak of it or the inquiry that followed.

I can only offer her the truth. “Yes, but only a little. Do you?”

She hesitates before answering, the brush still moving. “I believe so. But only in flashes. Little moments, I suppose. I often wonder why I can remember her green dress, but not the way her voice sounded when she read aloud. Why I can clearly see the book of poems she kept on the table in the parlor but not remember the way she smelled.”

“It was jasmine and… oranges, I think.”

“Is that it? The way she smelled?” Her voice is a murmur behind me. “I didn’t know.”

“Here. My turn.” I twist around, reaching for the brush.

She turns as compliant as a child. “Lia?”

“Yes?”

“If you knew something, about Mother… If you remembered something, something important, would you tell me?” Her voice is quiet, more unsure than I’ve ever heard it.

My breath catches in my throat with the strange question. “Yes, of course, Alice. Would you?”

She hesitates, the only sound in the room the soft pull of the brush through silken hair. “I suppose so.”

I move the brush through her hair, remembering. Not my mother. Not now. But Alice. Us. The twins. I remember the time before Henry’s birth, before Mother took refuge alone in the Dark Room. The time before Alice became secretive and strange.

It would be easy to look back on our childhood and assume that Alice and I were close. In the fondness of memory, I recall her soft breath in the dark of night, her voice mumbling into the blackness of our shared nursery. I try to remember our proximity as comfort, to ignore the voice that reminds me of our differences even then. But it doesn’t work. If I am honest, I will admit we have always eyed one another warily. Still, it was once her soft hand I grasped before falling into sleep, her curls I brushed from my shoulder when she slept too close.

“Thank you, Lia.” Alice turns around, looking me in the eyes. “I miss you, you know.”

My cheeks are warm under the scrutiny of her stare, the closeness of her face to mine. I shrug. “I’m right here, Alice, as I’ve always been.”

She smiles, but in it is something sad and knowing. Leaning in, she wraps her thin arms around me as she did when we were children.

“And I as well, Lia… As I’ve always been.”

She stands, leaving without another word. I sit on the edge of the bed in the dim light of the lamp, trying to place her uncommon sadness. It is unlike Alice to be reflective, though with Father’s death I suppose we are all feeling vulnerable.

Thoughts of Alice allow me to avoid the moment when I will have to look at my wrist. I feel a coward as I try to find the courage to pull back the sleeve of my nightdress. To look again at the mark that appeared after Father’s body was found in the Dark Room.

When I finally pull back my sleeve, telling myself that whatever is there is there just the same, whether or not I look, I have to press my lips together to keep from crying out. It isn’t the mark on the soft underside of my wrist that is a surprise, but how much darker it is now than even this morning. How much clearer the circle, though I still cannot decipher the ridges that thicken it, making the edges seem uneven.

I fight a surge of rising panic. It seems there should be some recourse, something I should do, someone I should tell, but whom might I tell such a thing? Once, I would go to Alice, for whom else have I trusted all my life through with every secret, large and small? Even still, I cannot ignore the ever-growing distance between us. It has made me wary of my sister.

I tell myself the mark will go away, that there is no need to tell someone such a strange thing when surely it will be gone in a few days. Instinctively, I think this a lie, but convince myself I have a right to believe it on a day such as this.

On the day I have buried my father.

Chapter Two

The thin November light is spreading its fingers across the room when Ivy pads in carrying a kettle of hot water.

“Good morning, Miss.” She pours the water into the basin on the washstand. “Shall I help you dress?”

I lift myself up on my elbows. “No, thank you. I’ll be fine.”

“Very well.” She leaves the room, empty kettle in hand.

I throw back the covers and make my way to the washstand, swirling a hand in the basin to cool the water before I wash. When I am finished, I dry my cheeks and forehead, peering into the glass. My green eyes are bottomless, empty, and I wonder if it is possible to change from the inside out, if sadness can radiate outward, through the veins and organs and skin for all to see. I shake my head at the morbid notion, watching my auburn hair, unbound, brush my shoulders in the looking glass.

I take off my nightdress and pull a petticoat and stockings from the bureau, beginning to dress. I am smoothing the second stocking up my thigh when Alice sweeps in without knocking.

“Good morning.” She drops heavily onto the bed, looking up at me with the breathless charm that is uniquely Alice.

It surprises me still, her effortless swing from barely concealed bitterness to sorrow to carefree calm. It should not, for Alice’s moods have always been mercurial. But her face bears no trace of sadness, no trace of last night’s melancholy. In truth, other than her simple gown and lack of jewelry, she looks no different than she ever has. Perhaps I am the only one to change from the inside out, after all.

“Good morning.” I hurry and fasten the stocking, feeling guilty that I’ve lazed in my room for so long when my sister is already up and about. I move to the cupboard, both to find a gown, and to avoid the eyes that always seem to look too deeply into mine.

“You should see the house, Lia. The entire staff is in mourning clothes, on Aunt Virginia’s orders.”

I turn to look at her, noticing the flush on her cheeks and something like excitement in her eyes. I push down my annoyance. “Many households observe the mourning period, Alice. Everyone loved Father. I’m sure they don’t mind paying their respects.”

“Yes, well, now we shall be stuck inside for an interminable time, and it is so very dull here. Do you suppose Aunt Virginia will allow us to attend classes next week?” She continues without waiting for an answer. “Of course, you don’t even care! You would be perfectly happy to never see Wycliffe again.”

I do not bother arguing. It is well-known that Alice yearns for the more civilized life of the girls at Wycliffe, where we attend classes twice a week, while I always feel like an exotic animal under glass. I steal glimpses of her at school, glittering under the niceties of polite society, and imagine her like our mother. It must be true, for it is I who finds pleasure in the stillness of Father’s library and Alice alone who can conjure the gleam of our mother’s eyes.

* * *

We spend the day in the almost-silence of the crackling fire. We are accustomed to the isolation of Birchwood and have learned to occupy ourselves within its somber walls. It is like any other rainy day save for the lack of Father’s big voice booming from the library or the smell of his pipe. We don’t speak of him or his strange death.

            I avoid looking at the clock, fearing the slow passing of time that will only seem slower if I watch its progress. It works, in a manner of speaking. The day passes more quickly than I expect, the small interruptions for lunch and dinner easing me toward the time when I can escape to the nothingness of sleep.

This time I don’t look at my wrist before climbing into bed. I don’t want to know if the mark is still there. If it has changed. If it is deeper or darker. I slip into bed, sinking toward darkness without further thought. 

I am in the in-between place, the place we drift through before the world falls away into sleep, when I hear the whispering. At first, it is only the call of my name, beckoning from some far-off place. But the whisper builds, becoming many voices, all murmuring frantically, so quickly that I can only make out an occasional word. It grows and grows, demanding my attention until I cannot ignore it a second longer. Until I sit straight up in bed, the last whispered words echoing through the caverns of my mind.

The Dark Room.

It is not entirely surprising. The Dark Room has been at the forefront of my mind since Father’s death. He should not have been there. Not in the one room that would invoke the memory of my mother, his beloved, dead wife, more than any other.

And yet, in those last moments, as life slipped from his body like a wraith, he was.

I slide my feet into slippers and make my way to the door, listening a moment before opening it and looking down the hall. The house is dark and silent. The footsteps of the servants cannot be heard in the rooms above our own or in the kitchen below. It must be quite late.

All this registers in seconds, leaving only the faintest of impressions. The thing that gets my attention, the thing that makes the small hairs rise on my arms and the back of my neck, is the door, open just a crack, at the end of the hallway.

The door to the Dark Room.

It is strange enough that the door to this, of all rooms, should be open, but stranger still that there is a faint glow leaking from the small gap between the frame and the door.

I look down at the mark. It shadows my wrist even in the darkness of the hallway. It is this I’ve been wondering, is it not? I think. Whether or not the Dark Room holds the key to Father’s death or the reason for my mark? Now it is as if I’ve been summoned to that very place, called to the answers I sought all along.

I creep down the hallway, careful to lift my feet so the bottoms of my slippers don’t scuff along the wood floor. When I reach the door of the Dark Room, I hesitate.

Someone is inside.

A voice, soft but urgent, comes from within the room. It is not the same frantic murmur that called me here. Not the disjointed voices of many. No. It is the voice of one. A solitary person whispering inside.

I don’t dare push open the door for fear it will creak. Instead, I lean toward it, peering through the opening into the room beyond. It is difficult to get my bearings through such a small crack. At first everything is only shapes and shadows. But soon I make out the looming white sheets of the covered furniture, the dark mass I know is the wardrobe in the corner, and the figure sitting on the floor, surrounded by candles.

Alice.

My sister sits on the floor of the Dark Room, the glow of many candles casting her body in soft yellow light. She is muttering, whispering as if to someone very near, though from my vantage I see not a soul. She sits on folded knees, her eyes closed, arms at her sides.

I scan the room, careful not to touch the door lest it should spring to life and glide open even further. But there is no one else there. No one but Alice, murmuring to herself in a strange sort of ceremony. And even this, this dark rite that sends tendrils of fear racing through my body, is not the strangest thing of all.

No, it is that my sister sits with the rug pulled back, a large, well-worn rug that has been in the room as long as I can remember. She sits, as naturally as if she has done it countless times before, within a circle carved into the floor. The angles of her face are nearly unrecognizable, almost harsh, in the candlelight.

The cold from the unheated hallway seeps through the thin fabric of my nightdress. I step back, my heart beating so loudly in my chest that I fear Alice will hear it from within the Dark Room.

When I turn to make my way down the hall, I have to resist the urge to run. Instead, I walk calmly and step into my room, closing the door behind me and climbing into the safety and comfort of my bed. I lay awake for a long time, trying to force from my mind the image of Alice alit within the circle, the sound of her murmuring to someone who wasn’t there.

* * *

The next morning, I stand in the clear light streaming through the window, sliding the sleeve of my nightdress up and over my wrist. The mark has become darker still, the circle thicker and more prominent.

And there is something else.

In the stark light of day, it seems quite obvious what it is – the thing that encircles the circle itself, making the edges less clear. I trail a finger across the surface of the mark, raised as a scar, following the lines of the snake that coils itself around the edges of the circle until its mouth is eating its own tail.

The Jorgumand.

Few girls of sixteen would know it, but I recognize the symbol from Father’s books on mythology. It is at once familiar and frightening, for why should such a symbol rise from my skin?

I only briefly consider telling Aunt Virginia. She has had her share of grief and worry over Father’s death. As our only living relative, our well-being including caring for Henry and attending his many needs is now left to her. I’ll not add another worry to the ones she already has.

I chew my lower lip. It is impossible to think of my sister without remembering her posture on the floor of the Dark Room. I resolve to ask her what she was doing. It’s a logical question, under the circumstances. And then I will show her the mark.

After dressing, I step into the hall, preparing to search for Alice. I hope she is not walking the grounds as she has since she was a child. Locating her as she takes sun in her favorite spot on the patio will be considerably easier than searching the fields and forests surrounding Birchwood. As I turn away from my chamber, my eyes slide to the closed door of the Dark Room. From here, it looks as it always has. It is almost possible to imagine that Father is still alive in the library and that my sister has never knelt on the floor of the forbidden room in the mystery of night. And yet she has.

My mind is made up before I fully realize it. I make my way swiftly down the hall. I don’t hesitate on the threshold of the room. Instead, I open the door and step through it in seconds.

The room is just as I remember it, the curtains drawn against the daylight, the rug back in place over the wood floor. A strange energy pulses through the air, a vibration that seems to hum through my veins. I shake my head, and the sound almost disappears.

I move to the bureau and open the top drawer. I should not be surprised to find my mother’s things there, but somehow I am. Most of my life, she has been no more than an idea. Somehow, the fine silk and lace of her petticoats and stockings make her seem very real. I can see her suddenly, a flesh-and-blood woman, dressing for the day.

I force myself to lift her underthings, looking for anything that might explain Father’s presence in the room at the time of his death – a journal, an old letter, anything at all. When I find nothing, I do the same with the other drawers, lifting and searching to the very back. But there is nothing there. Nothing but the paper drawer liner that long ago lost its scent.

I lean lightly against the dresser, surveying the room for other possible hiding places. Crossing to the bed, I kneel and lift the ghostly coverlet, peering beneath the bed. It is spotless, doubtless cleared of dust and cobwebs only during the maid’s latest round of cleaning.

My eyes settle on the rug. The image of Alice within the circle is etched in my mind. I know what I saw, but I cannot keep myself from looking. From being sure.

I move toward the rug and am at its edge when my head begins to buzz, the vibration closing in on my thoughts, my vision, until I think I might faint. The tips of my fingers become numb, a prickly tingling beginning at my feet and radiating upward until I fear that may legs will give out altogether.

And then the whispering begins. It is the same whispering I heard last night before coming to the Dark Room. But this time it is threatening, as if warning me off, telling me to go back. A cold sweat breaks out on my brow, and I begin to tremble. No, not tremble. Shake. I shake so violently my teeth clatter together before I sink to the floor in front of the rug. A small voice of self-preservation shouts at me to leave, to forget the Dark Room altogether.

But I must see for myself. I must.

My hand weaves and shakes in front of my eyes, reaching for the edge of the rug. The whispering grows louder and louder until the great buzz of many voices becomes a shout within my head. I will myself not to stop, grasping the corner of the rug with fingers that can hardly close around the fine weave of the carpet.

I pull it back, and the whispering stops.

The circle is there, just as it was last night. And although the whispers are silent, my body’s reaction to the circle only becomes more violent. I think I may be sick. Without the cover of darkness, I see that the gouges are fresh where the wood has been dug away to form the circle. This is no remnant from my mother’s time in the Dark Room but an addition much more recent.

I pull the rug back over the carving, rising on wobbling legs. I will not let it drive me from the room. My mother’s room.  I force myself to the wardrobe as I had planned, though I must step around the rug for my feet cannot, will not, allow me too close.

Flinging open the wardrobe doors, I perform a quick search, knowing it is not as thorough as it could be and knowing just as well that I no longer care. That I really must leave the room.

In any case, there is nothing of note in the wardrobe. Some old gowns, a cape, four corsets. Whatever drew Father to this room is as inexplicable as the reason for Alice’s presence here last night and the thing that draws me to it now.

I step around the rug, making my way to the door as swiftly as possible without actually running. The more distance I put between myself and the rug, between myself and the circle, the better I feel, though still not well.

I close the door behind me more loudly than I should, leaning against the wall and forcing down the bile that has risen in my throat. I don’t know how long I stand there, catching my breath, forcing my physical symptoms into submission, but all the while my mind is full of fierce and frightful things.




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